Hi, everyone. My name is Sarah Jimenez-Valdez. I am a project manager with the International Association of Forensic Nurses. Today's webinar is titled Conscious Leadership, Moving from Unconscious to Conscious, which was created with grant funds awarded by the Office of Victims of Crime for the SANE Program TTA Project. I do have a few housekeeping items that we need to cover before we get started. I'll go ahead and start with our disclaimer, which is that the opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this presentation are those of the contributors and do not necessarily represent the official position or policies of the U.S. Department of Justice. We do encourage you to please use the Q&A feature to ask any questions that come up for you throughout the presentation. The chat is also available for use. And since we are in the Zoom webinar format, the participants are automatically muted. However, we don't want that to keep you from engaging in the conversation. So please do use the raise hand feature. And if you have something to share, we will go ahead and unmute you to share that. Lastly, the evaluation will be sent by the end of the week. And if you're interested in CEs for today's presentation, instructions will be included for how to obtain those as well. Now, I'd like to introduce our presenter, James Davis Massey, who is the founder and CEO of the Human Blueprint. Hello, hello. Thank you, Sarah. Welcome, everybody. I'm scrolling through and seeing all the names. Good to see you, Allison, April, Beth, Diane, Yvette, Julia, Karen, Kim, Daisy, Megan, Sarah, Stephanie, Unati. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being here. So as Sarah said, my name's James Davis Massey, and I will be presenting today. I'm going to share my screen to... And if we quickly could, if you wouldn't mind, is just where are you calling in from? I just want to see like where people are. or naturally lean towards driving results or relationships and if you could type that in the chat box that would be great so as a leader where do you lean more results or more relationships 10 10 relationships relationships results relationships results um great i lean towards relationships all about the people relationships but leaning into result but leaning into relationships great results so there's benefits of both right and so this process today about unconscious leadership we will that awareness about oh i am results driven where do i need to slow down and connect with people and build relationships and if i'm relationship driven where do i need to maybe lean into more of the results and at the end of the day we all have to drive process and so um just giving you a little bit of awareness and that's what moving from unconscious to conscious leadership is about today the agenda part one you should have received from sarah this morning access to a pdf which looks like this but it's um and this is the workbook for you that you can look through as we go through this today however if you don't have access to that that's totally fine all you'll need is a pad of paper so you can um i'm going to have the prompts already on the screen so you can um navigate that without having the printed copy or um the pdf copy so the first part is going to be uncovering your values what is important to you and our philosophy of the human blueprint is what is your core and leading from within so your values are what's most important to your beliefs and then we're going to move into conscious leadership there's a tool that i use from the conscious leadership institute um calling locating yourself above and below the line and this is a great tool to help us monitor our thoughts and our behaviors and our beliefs that may be holding us back as leaders and as humans right these are tools that we can leverage even in the workplace and outside of that and finally we're going to end with some action planning today um is how can you take one or two steps after today to begin to apply what you've learned wonderful wonderful because we are um trying to slow down and no doubt many of you are coming from meetings and places that you've been moving quickly i want to get us present today so i'm going to teach you a breathing exercise that comes from um dr angel kaito williams who is um a meditation and mindfulness teacher and i like to use this um in my personal life and professional life and it's called um point breathing so what i want you to do is find a comfortable standing position i'm standing but if you're sitting seated that's fine too just find a comfortable position just allowing yourself to arrive um here today in this webinar and if you feel comfortable and you're in a space that you can you know either soften your eyes or your gaze and or even close them and begin to come to the awareness of your breath breathing in through the nose out through the nose no need to modify at this point just notice I'll quickly do a scan from the top of your head through your face and your head to your neck, your shoulders to a scan, noticing your body all the way down through your chest, your abdominal area, your low back, your sit bones, your hips, your thighs, your knees, your calves and your shins and your ankles, heels of your feet, bottoms of your feet, and then all the way to the tips of your toes. Allowing the energy to move down from your head and into the lower body and to the earth. And coming back to your breath, I want you to breathe in through your nose and then fill your low belly first into your lungs and your diaphragm area, into the heart, chest region. So fill from the low belly all the way up to the chest and then exhale through your nose. So Dr. Kyra Williams, she talks about coming in point breathing. So this is a technique you can use anywhere and it's not about getting it right, getting it wrong, but it's coming back to point. So she always says, breathing into your low belly and low belly is point and out through the nose. So I want us to focus on no other place, but on point. So go breathing into your nose. Into the low belly, exit through the nose. Into the low belly, come back to point, exit through your nose. And so our mind will naturally wander, the monkey mind will wander, but what you can say is this, I'll come back to point. So come back to the breath in the low belly. I'm going to spend another minute here, just coming back to point. If your mind wanders, say, come back to point. I don't need to resist, just come back to point. And when you're ready, begin to open your eyes if they were closed, bringing your awareness back to the computer and the screen. If you have a, if you feel like connecting in the chat box, how do you feel after taking five minutes to connect with your breath and your body? Ready for a nap. Relaxed. Jaws unclenched, toes uncurled. And working in the helping profession, no doubt, we rarely find time to take care of ourselves and come back to our breath. But I noticed for myself, as I start to practice this regularly before meetings like these, yeah, awareness of tense places. Yeah, it really helps me be more present. The energy is moving up into our head to problem solve, but if we need to, just breathing into our body is a way of becoming aware of our thoughts and our emotions and our body, right? And so we're not just, a good colleague of mine says, we're not just a head on a stick, we're a full body. And knowing where we are and coming to point is so helpful. So anyway, that's one tool. So one takeaway for you today already is how do I come back to point? For two to three minutes, that's a great way to just, and it's not about getting it right, our mind's gonna wander, but anyway, coming back to your breath. All right, so we're gonna have a poll now, just to see who's connecting. Our poll is, what is an unconscious leader? So Sarah, thank you for putting this up here. What is an unconscious leader? Select the best choice. All right, give you another 15 seconds to... So we have here, so 33% said, which you're right, someone that doesn't know what is really important to them as a human. Question number two, someone who is misaligned with their intention and impact, and A, B, and Ds, 58% of you. So it's A, which is someone that really doesn't know what's important to them, like their values. And I think when I talk about a conscious leader, they know what's important to me as a human, as an individual. They also understand what their intention is and their intention when they come in to lead an organization or a team or someone, but also their impact. Aligned and conscious leaders know their intention and impact. And then also an unconscious leader is someone who's operating from a place that survival mode. I'm sure you see this a lot in your clients. It's like, they're just trying to survive, but I think unconscious leaders don't necessarily know how to manage and get out and shift from survival mode into being more conscious. So we'll be walking through some of this today as we talk about what it means to be a conscious leader. So I want you to buckle in here a little bit. And this is a day about you, a little bit slowing down as a leader. What is important to you as a human? And I say that alignment with leaders is like if I can bring my full self as a human and what I believe to the workplace, obviously we need to dial it in. But we're gonna spend some time just reflecting. And so if you do have any questions as we go along, like Sarah said earlier, please feel free to put them in the chat. But really a lot of this will be self-reflection. No doubt you've thought about this stuff before, but when was the last time you just said, what is really important to me as a human? Not often do we do that. All right. One more poll just to see who's paying attention here. How do you define personal values? Because that's what we're gonna talk about today. Maybe 10 more seconds. Wait, there we go. Man, this is a smart group. Your personal core believes what is important to you, no doubt. And not often, like I said, do we spend time reflecting on that. And so today it's a little bit about, it's really about each of you individually to think about what's important. So, I'm gonna lead you through some questions here and I'm gonna give you some time to begin to harvest your value. So, if you do have access to the PDF and you were able to print that in order for you to reflect, you can now turn to page two in the handout. But if not, you have a piece of paper, write down number one, and I want you to write down 10 personal values that are most important to you. And so I have a list here for those of you that don't have access to the workbook, or if you do and you just wanna look at on this sheet too, that's totally fine. If you're using the handouts, it's on page four, it's another list. But I want to spend about seven minutes here, five to seven minutes, just reading through these values, or maybe you already know, but putting words to what, when you think about what is it really important to you, really, really important to you as a human, what are they? And I want you to circle or write down 10 values that are most important to you. And Sarah, question for you as they reflect here. Is there a way on the webinar for them to raise their hand? There is. There's an icon at the bottom of the screen on the Zoom screen where they can raise their hand. So when you're- I'm gonna mute them. So if you, just for this sake of knowing where you are, when you have your 10, and again, we're gonna narrow these down, so it's not about getting everything right at this point. Will you raise your hand just so we know you're done? When we have like three quarters of you done, because it's a great way for me to, great. Well, we'll kind of move on. Give you about another minute, and again, when you're done, raise your hand. Kim says it's really hard to limit to 10. I know. It can be. I'm gonna go ahead and move to the next question. So if you're still identifying your values, go with your gut, don't overthink. It's not about getting it right, like I said. We're gonna next item two is we're gonna rate the values from one to 10, 10 being the most important and one, excuse me, one being the most important and 10 being the least important. So number one through 10 ish. I know this is where it goes to the next level of hard. All right, and again, when you're... And no doubt this is, could be a challenge too. I'll tell you where I'm going with this. So those of you, I'm gonna make it even more difficult. And we're gonna narrow it down to the most, the top two. So as you're sorting through your top 10, it's kind of starting to see where there's some themes, maybe, and then what I noticed too, when people start to get down to their top two, they're like, oh, some of these will maybe roll into some of those. So keep that in mind as you're engaging in this. And again, when you're getting there, if you wanna put your hand up so we know where, James, Kim is asking if she can screenshot the list that you shared since it's like yes, yep. Thank you, Kim. Yeah. As long as you, Kim, you can use these as long as you cite the human blueprint. No, I'm kidding. This is open source, so feel free to. And for this whole, what I can do as well is at the end of our workshop today, I will send this to Sarah and you all are welcome to use this however you'd like. Because this is a good team activity. If you're thinking about helping people understand who they are, this is a wonderful activity to do that too. So you're welcome to take it and make it your own. All right, hands up for those. Okay, I know I'm kind of moving it quickly, but so we do have some time. And also, this is one of those things that if you do need time in the future, this is something you can come back to. All right. All right, moving on. What's most important to you? Choosing your top two. So let's take a couple of minutes. And if you're on, if you have access to the handouts, it's number three is choosing your top values. So we're gonna start to whittle it down to the things that are really key to us. These are should be the things that are like, these are non-negotiables. I said I got it down to one, wow. And as you're, that's great. And I think this is fine. And sometimes I have people do their top five or three, but I really wanted to challenge you all to just like, what are my non-negotiables? Like these are the key things that drive me as a human. And so I'll let you play with it a little bit. I have some flexibility, but I also want to challenge yourself. I want you to challenge yourself to say, okay, what is it? So. Thank you for watching. And again, as we're beginning to wrap this up, and when you're ready, raise your hand. And I would love to hear from a couple of you of what your top values are before we move on to defining what those are. What are your top values? I just, if you feel inspired to share, I think it's good to hear people's voices since we can't see faces. Raise your hand if you'd be willing to share and then Sarah can unmute you. Kim, thank you. This was super hard, but it came up to making a difference and belonging. It seems like one's for me and one's for the world. For you, which one's for you? Belonging. Okay. And that feels like that's what I want to feel the most, but I also, for the world out there, I really want to make a difference. That's awesome. And do you feel like this, like if you think of your, Kim, as a professional and also personally, do these resonate in both your worlds? Yeah, I think so. Great, great, thank you. Kim, where are you? Where are you located? Buena Vista, Colorado. Okay, Buena Vista, great. And what's your role? I'm a SANE nurse. SANE nurse, okay. Great. Thank you, Kim. One or two more people. Thank you for sharing. I think it's always good to hear. So making a difference and belonging. Wow. We need that more now in our world than ever, right? I think it's very prevalent. One or two more people, would you be willing to share? What came up for you? Raise your hand and we'll have Sarah. No takers. Okay, that's totally fine. That's the thing as a workshop facilitator and presenter, I struggle with it, not seeing faces. So at any time, if you want to share something, I'd be willing to hear it. I love to hear voices other than my own. And like I said, if you have any questions as we move through this, please. Faith was one, thank you, Nadi. Faith, okay, wonderful. And one of the things I know as a leader as we move through these, people make assumptions about what we value by how we show up and what we do and what we don't do. And this is a wonderful activity that you can do with your teams. Or even if you choose not to do it, you can do it with your team. Or even if you choose not to do with them as a team, but as you're leading people, it's to say like, faith is really important to me. And this is why, and this is how it impacts my work. Or can we, like making a difference is what brings me into this job every day. And belonging, making sure that everyone here and in the world feels like they have a place and they're, you know, whatever it is for you. Because that authenticity and that transparency, understanding, it helps people connect with you more on a deeper level. And that probably will give them a little bit of more empathy and compassion when things don't go right. It's a way of building trust and building connection with others around you. So thank you, thank you. Next step, step four of the values harvest is brainstorm what these mean to you. And if this is step number four on your handouts, you wanna make sure, if you wanna use that, or if you wanna write it in another piece of paper, brainstorm, I'm gonna give you an example here. So a brainstorm can be simple. And this is like freedom. This is probably an example of mine is independence. Like I just had some words that came to me around freedom, like independence, spontaneity, peace, autonomy, right? And I could even add more like balance, right? Boundaries, because freedom to me means something different than it does to others. And then courage, risk, truth, do what is right, lean into discomfort, authenticity. All of these things to me means courage. So let's spend like two to three minutes of just kind of a stream of thought around how you define your top two or your one. Here we go. Here we go. ♪ With rhymes that could explain any feeling ♪ ♪ Oh, hold me down, get me out of this current mind ♪ ♪ Oh, hold me down, get me out of this current mind ♪ ♪ Full of air, in the dreads of nothing ♪ ♪ Then sleep at night and lay afraid ♪ ♪ Once I wanted to be the greatest ♪ ♪ Knowing when the world could stop me ♪ ♪ And then forget the rush of the flood ♪ ♪ The stars might turn me to dust ♪ ♪ But I'll never forget you ♪ And when you're ready, the next step is going a little bit more definitive here. I want you to draft a definition. So you have your brainstorm. And what I really want this to do is just how do we put words? It's kind of like the elevator speech of what's important to me. And so I'm gonna have to give you an example of how I translated my brainstorm into the definitions. I value my free time, freedom to choose, and spontaneity. Courage, I value taking risks, even when it's uncomfortable, in order to live in alignment with my values and doing the right thing. So spend about three to four minutes just drafting a one-sentence statement. Karen, thank you for sharing. Love, I value caring, compassion, appreciation, and acceptance of all. Very cool. Thank you for sharing. And if anyone else feels more comfortable sharing the chat, that's wonderful too. It's just good to see what other people are saying. But it's interesting, you know, I do this in different types of organizations, from tech companies, to manufacturing organizations, to non-profits, to government work. And it would be interesting to see, like with this industry of being in nursing, and especially state nursing, there's some value, similar overlapping values, or not. And most likely, I'm guessing, our motivations are all different, even though we do similar work, probably. All right, we're almost through this portion. For those of you that have access to the handout, I'm giving you a little bit of homework here, is diving deeper into your definitions. And so on page three of the handouts, what are two behaviors that you exhibit that support your values or your value? And what are one or two slippery behaviors that are outside your values? And then giving an example where you fully living into the values. Because what I know when I'm working with leaders and humans in general, is when we're out of alignment, it's called disassociation and we're misaligned. And so we feel more powerful, aligned, committed when our values both in our behaviors are in alignment. So what I want you to start to notice is where you're in alignment and where aren't you? And what do you need to do to get back into alignment? So I think that both in your, as a leader, in your personal life, and also in your professional life, where are you misaligned? And what I know is when I'm living out of alignment, I feel maybe depressed, anxious, disempowered, and just like, blah. And so what I know when I start taking action towards being more in alignment, that's when life really feels good and aligned and fulfilled. So if you wouldn't mind, I would like to hear, thank you, Kim, I value being in a creating community where all can be seen and valued. That's awesome. So I would ask if those of you put in the chat, what is your top value? What's your number one value? If I can see that in the chat, that would be wonderful. Love and kindness, I value treating everyone well, respecting for myself and others, and promoting the well-being of others. Humility and caring, contribution. Respect for self and others and reliability. So what I noticed too, so to start to notice too with these top values, the things that make you most angry in the world and in your life, it's generally when your value's being challenged, right? For those of you I hear like kindness and caring, contribution, respect for self, kindness again, thank you, grace. When those things, when you see other people operating that are not aligned with your values, that's generally when we're triggered and we're like, we can go into fight or flight easily. And it's knowing what our values, and so that's why it's really nice to be able to share these with your peers and your teammates and the people in your personal life, because they're like, oh, I get it now. This is why you are so frustrated, right? You see people not giving back or making a difference or people mistreating people. And so, and then also sharing your definitions. I think I'm not asking you to do this right here, but sharing the definitions with folks is what it means to you, because we can make assumptions about what it means to different folks. Okay. All right, so this concludes our first portion of our workshop today, uncovering your values. Again, this is kind of a crash course and sitting and reflecting, but I would challenge each of you to spend time, I don't know if you journal or you wanna talk to someone about it, but just like sharing these with people outside in your normal life, whether you're professional world and your personal life, you're sharing a little piece of yourself and you're also giving them a little bit of a roadmap or blueprint of who you are. So I'm gonna challenge you each to do that in some way in your personal and professional life. All right, so with that being said, we're gonna transition. And I think taking a moment to just breathe, coming back to point again for 90 seconds as we transition into locating yourself to from the conscious leadership group. So let's take a moment. You want to close your eyes, soften your gaze, coming back to your breath and through your nose, out through your nose. And we take a big deep inhale and exhale through the mouth. And again, breathing into the nose, coming, breathing into your low belly, coming to point. And exhaling through the nose. It's coming back to point, that low belly, following your breath in through the nose, following it down to the low belly. You're ready to begin bringing yourself back to the screen, opening your eyes. And again, coming to point is one tool you can use just to ground yourself. And sometimes we need to get up and move, right? We need to go for walks to get up. But sometimes we need to regulate ourself by coming back to our breath, getting more into our body. And the breath is such a powerful tool. And as you all know, there's more and more research coming out about breath. There's lots of research showing how it can extend your life, better quality of life, and those types of things. So. Oh, Kenadi, thank you for joining us. And it sounds like this is being recorded. So feel free to watch the rest, but I really appreciate you coming on. All right, we're moving on to another poll. As we move into locating yourself, we're going to do another poll. What's the best way to respond when you feel threatened in the workplace? All right. the best ways and the most common. You know, it's so true. When we need to show up as our best self, that's generally when we don't because it's the hardest, right? And I think that's when we're in the fight, flight, or freeze, right? Or faint. So thank you for saying that, Kim. It's so true. I think I know I can raise my hand at that too. So, and that's why breath is so important, right? When we're hijacked, how do we come back into our body? So when we do respond, it's not out of being more thoughtful and grounded and curious and open. So Sarah, do you want to tally the poll? I'm curious to see. All right. The leader pauses, connects with breath and body, then acts with curious, openness, and willing. So yes. And yeah, so thank you. You guys, smart folks. But you know, we often don't do this, right? In a moment, we're moving quickly. Our mind is really powerful. We're having these thoughts that hijack us or continue the story. And what I've noticed is the reason I use this tool, I'm about to show you a video here shortly, is what I've noticed in the workplace is that I used to teach conflict classes and skill-based classes. And what I realized, if you can't manage yourself, I can have the best tools, but I'm not going to put them to use when I need to. Like you were saying, Kim, a little bit, the best way is not the most competent. Until I can regulate myself, know where I am, then it's going to be hard for me to integrate any skill. Right? And it's practice. So the tool that I've already shown you, it's a three-minute video from the Conscious Leadership Group. And what I almost like to call this tool we're about to watch is it's operationalizing mindfulness. It's helping us give us some language about where I am in terms of being hijacked, the miguel hijack when we go into the reptilian brain, and how do I shift to be above the line? So it's above the line and below the line tool. So I'm going to give it, we're going to watch a three-minute video and I think I have everything set up, right? So we can hear. And if we don't, I know someone's going to let me know I can't hear, okay? So let's see. I'm going to make sure, I think we're good. Okay, here we go. You buy the Conscious Leadership Group. Find them on the web at www.conscious.is. Animation by Graham Franks, www.gramfranks.com. One question that conscious leaders ask themselves over and over is, where am I? To support leaders in locating themselves as they ask the question, where am I? We offer this tool, a line, a simple black line. At any moment, all leaders and all people are either above the line or below the line. Our location describes how we're being with what is occurring in our life right now. If we're above the line, we are open, curious, and committed to learning. If we are below the line, we are closed, defensive, and committed to being right. Stop right now and simply ask yourself, where am I? In this now moment, am I above the line or below the line? Typically, when people are below the line, they believe certain things about the world. For example, they believe there is not enough. It could be that there's not enough money, or time, or space, or energy, or love. People below the line also believe that their story about the situation is right. People below the line also believe that there is a threat out there. Something or someone is threatening their desire for approval, control, or security. And people below the line see the situation as serious. The deeper below the line they are, the more serious things look. People below the line tend to behave certain ways as well. They tend to cling to an opinion, find fault and blame, gossip, explain, rationalize and justify, get overwhelmed, and avoid conflict or pursue conflict for the sake of winning. When people are above the line, they believe that learning and growing are more important than being right. They believe that all people and circumstances are their allies, here for their growth. They believe that from a distance, almost everything is funny. People above the line live in curiosity, listen deeply, speak unarguably, question all their beliefs, and live a life of play. Now, knowing what you know about being above or below the line, where are you? One thing to know as you consider this question, we are hardwired to go below the line. Literally, our brain is programmed to perceive threat. And when it does, a chemical cocktail courses through our veins and we go below the line. This reaction was designed to help us survive in the presence of a real threat to our physical survival. An issue for modern day leaders is that often our brains can't tell the difference between a threat to our physical survival and a threat to our ego or identity. We react and get defensive when we experience a threat to our ego. So in many ways, being below the line is natural and normal. But when we are below the line, we're not in a state, literally brain state, of high creativity, collaboration, innovation, and relational connection. We're simply trying to survive. Leaders today can't thrive if they're in survival mode. So the first activity of conscious leadership is location, location, location. In this now moment, where am I? Telling ourselves and others the truth about our current location begins the great conversation. Wonderful, thank you. All right. So, insights, I would love to hear either in the chat, what stood out to you in this video? One or two people, either you can raise your hand and we can hear you, or when you think about above and below the line, what did you hear? What did you hear? Allison. I'd be curious to hear from Allison. Allison. I believe I'm unmuted now. Yeah, you're unmuted. Thank you. Where are you, where are you calling in from? Mobile, Alabama. Okay. Are you a SANE nurse? I am. Okay, well thanks for calling in. Yeah, I found that very interesting and the part at the end where she said, you know, we're hardwired to be below the line. That was somewhat encouraging, but also defeating in a way. And I think it, what my takeaway from that was that I need to be more intentional to stay above the line. Yeah, no, thank you. And I think you'll, what you'll notice as now that you have this tool, it's a practice, right, to notice. And I'm going to give you some more information to kind of identify where you're above and below the line. So thank you. I think you're absolutely right. It's kind of like, oh no, but you know what? Another thing I'd like to tell people is that we, so we live below the line 90% of the time, but once you start to practice this, it's like, oh, it's okay to be below the line, right? Because that's how we're hardwired. So it's not to make it bad, but just notice where you are and just say, oh, I can shift more quickly. Because what I've noticed, I've worked in organizations where people have been below the line with either a topic, an issue, or a person for a decade, right? And so it's like what I realized when I started practicing this, it took me less time. It didn't take me a week to get over something sometimes. It was like, oh, I'm below the line. How do I be more open and curious and committed to learning versus being below the line where I'm more closed, defensive, and committed to being right? So thank you. Anyone else? All right. So for those of us that have access to our handouts, this is another time on page five, we have some thought. We're going to walk through this. It's a page like this. And so if you don't have access, not to worry, I'm going to, I'll have this on my screen. But I want us to spend a few minutes here. The remainder of our time, we're going to walk through these things before we get into the action plan. But I want you to think of a juicy situation that maybe it's a relationship at work, a peer, a colleague, a manager that I report to, or it's in your personal life. It could be a family member or a friend. It's like this thing keeps repeating itself. And I just feel like I'm frustrated, I'm angry, I'm resentful, I'm jealous, whatever it is, that there's some juice to it. I'm going to give you a second to think about it. And you can write that down in your handout or your blank piece of paper, but just generally write down the situation. All right, so I'm gonna move on. But what I'm gonna do here, so we have this worksheet, this handout that's in your packet. I'm gonna walk through it. And so we're gonna start with your situation and I want you to spend a few minutes. If you have this printed out, you can walk, we're gonna go below the line. And folks, when we think we're below the line, we're more reactive, defensive, and we call it, they call it recycling drama. And that's for another day, because there's a tool for that too. But I want you to think of your juicy situation with this relationship with this individual. And I want you to go through the statements, the behaviors, and the beliefs that you have about this. And see where either star on your work handout, or you can write them down. I'm gonna give you about two to three minutes to look at this, just saying, okay, look at the situation. And what are my statements, behaviors, and beliefs around this? All right. Any thoughts or questions before we move to above the line? So again, there's no right or wrong with being below the line. It's just knowing where you are. I think this is a tool that can be very helpful for you as leaders. It's like, where am I right now? What am I start to identify your themes? Because what I noticed about myself when I did this is I start to realize I have some themes around. Like one of the biggest ones is I'm right, they're wrong. And I also have my story is true is my thing. And I oftentimes avoid conflict and I like to blame. Like if I'm going below the line, that's what I do. I'm like, okay, this feels good, right? I'm right, my story's right, they're wrong. And, but I'm just gonna avoid it because it's too hard, right? So that's my story that I've noticed. And that shows up in my professional life and personal life. So going above the line, this is where we wanna be, right? We know we're not gonna be there all the time, but how do you, this is when it's, I'm creating what I want. So I'm more curious and I'm committed to growing and learning versus trying to be right, prove myself right. My ego gets in the way. I have to be right, even though I know I might be wrong. And what I've realized too is like, when I looked at myself, sometimes I've gotten into disagreements with people. And at one point the light comes on like, wait, shit, my story might not be right. And then it's like, wait, but I don't want my egos in the way. I'm not gonna admit that I'm wrong, right? So here, now I want you to look at that juicy situation is are you saying anything above the line or not? And if you can't find anything, that's fine too. All right here. So again, start to notice the statements, behaviors, or beliefs that you're saying that are above the line. And we'll talk about how to shift. And this is, again, this is a practice and there's many, there's other tools that help us get there. But what I've realized works for me is how is the opposite of this is true. Like I have a story a lot of times, but I'm oh, my story is one version and perspective. What shifts me a lot of time is how is the opposite as true. So whatever I think my story is, what could be the opposite story of that? And questioning my beliefs. I feel like, and I think now more than ever, our world needs to really question our beliefs around a lot of different things. But why do I believe that? And what is the truth or lie in that? So those are the two that kind of help me shift. And lastly, the other, the last thing that the tool is like getting curious is asking to learn more and really listening to other person's point of view is where I kind of tell me more about that. So how did you come to that conclusion? Or what was your perspective of how that everything went down, right? Those questions and listening, because what I know in the workplace right now is people want to be valued, heard, and seen. Going back to that belonging we talked about earlier that someone brought up is like people want to feel valued and that they belong and they want to feel seen for who they really are and what they believe in. So, all right, any questions around this? Okay. So we're going to move on here. These are four questions that can help you shift. And I'm going to get more specific, but here in a second, but where am I? So where am I above and below the line? And being honest with myself, though, I'm really below the line, you know, and this is what I'm saying. And I know this because I'm holding my breath or I'm saying these things or my belief around something is this. So where am I? That's fine. And can I accept myself for being just, you know what, I'm going to be below the line. And that's fine too. Sometimes when I'm working with people coaching them, I'm like, are you committed to being right and that your way is the right way and your perspective? And they said, yes. So I'm like, okay, then what would take you to shift? Am I willing to shift above the line, right? That's the next question. Or maybe sometimes it's like, you know what, I'm going to be here for two days. I'm just going to be in this messy, mucky, shitty, excuse my language, below the line and it's okay. Right. But you know what, a day from now, you know, I'm going to be willing to shift, but I need to be in it right now. And that's fine too. And then how am I going to shift? And that's the thing where it comes back to thinking about some of these behaviors. Sometimes it's going for a walk. It's crying, because you're feeling your emotions or yelling or whatever it is, not at the person, but it's like kind of in a body experience, kind of letting go. Or is it kind of start to shift your being curious about your thoughts? And these are things that we all know, but I think, how do I start to apply them as a leader? Because I think when we get stuck below the line living, our peers feel it, our patients feel it, our colleagues, they all feel it. Right. So start to, these are the four questions that you can ask yourself. And this is on, for those of you in the handouts, it's on the page seven. So then these are the questions you can ask yourself. Am I willing to take a hundred percent responsibility? Are you willing to stop blaming and criticizing yourself and others? These are some questions that will help shift you to say, okay, what part was my, what was, if I had to take a hundred percent responsibility for this issue, where's my, what's my part in it? And where do I need to stop blaming someone else? Or, you know, I call it villainizing others. Am I willing to be curious and letting go of being right? Am I more interested in hearing and learning someone's other points of view and letting go and defending what my point of view is right? So responsibility. Am I willing to take responsibility? Am I willing to get curious and ask big questions and really listen? Am I willing to feel my feelings and that, and allow others to have their feelings? I oftentimes see in the workplace people, the old school way of doing it was, we don't have a place for feelings in the workplace. And obviously there's a time and place for feelings, but it's when we're working with the colleague, I'm very frustrated. I'm disappointed. I'm let down, right? Is that's all data, right? It's all data for people to make decisions. And so when you're able to share feelings, that's authentic and real. And it's not feelings in a way that's called name calling. It's your authentic feelings. And are you willing for them to have their feelings, like let down, resentful, frustrated, all those things. And just know that they're, it's just energy, emotions moving through our body and it's not right or wrong. But if we're willing to accept and feel our feelings and allow others, that's key. And the reason I think this is so important is I've seen it so many times. And you probably have seen it in meetings where people will say something, but you know, they will say they agree with something, but they, in their bodies and in their body language, you know, they don't accept it. So they don't share that in a meeting, but they go outside the meeting and have other meetings on top of the meetings. So I want you to think about that. It's like, how do I make sure it's safe for people to share it in the meetings? And in a way that's productive, right? So anyway, fill your feelings, candor. Are you willing to reveal to others all your withholds? What they mean about withholds is exactly what I was saying about my emotions. Am I really to tell someone I'm really frustrated when you did this last week, you didn't show up on time, you missed charting to your clients. Are you willing to share that? Right? Because otherwise, if we don't share it, it leads to resentment and withholding. And that's not helpful because then the conversations are happening outside of that relationship or that team and not where they need to happen. And then are you willing to listen consciously to others? Are you really ready to hear them without trying to defend your way? This really going in with an open heart and an open mind and saying, I want to hear what you have to say and looking for a mutual understanding or purpose or solution. All right. Very good. Thoughts. Are there any questions about this? Is anyone stuck with how can I apply this to, how can I apply this? I'm hearing some. Is saying I choose to not fight the same as avoiding conflict? Good question, Ken. Let me, so there's a way of being in disagreement without, the word fight to me, it sounds like emotionally charged and we're fighting to win versus I'm willing to hear you and listen to you. And are we willing to still respect one another and disagree? Right? I think the term avoiding would be not even addressing the issue, but saying, I'm willing to hear you. And are we willing to be okay walking forward together as colleagues or peers without agreeing? And if not, how do we get there? Right? So it's like what I often talked about in teams and in relationships is dynamic tension is natural. It's going to happen. And it actually, if we can lean into dynamic tension, innovation happens that way. Stronger relationships happen that way. Great solutions come out of that when you can lean into the dynamic tension and not take it personally. But I often see, especially with passionate mission-driven people that want to change the world, like most of you are no doubt, is we get so locked in about our ways, right? And we're connected to our values. And it's hard to let go. And so that's hard to, but I would say getting back to that, how do we, that I, if we're not fighting, are we getting clear? Because I think you need to clear the air and agree on how you're going to move forward versus avoid. Thank you, Kim. I sometimes picture emotion like cars in a roundabout. If you stop, then it makes it worse. They all will exit at some point or not. Right. I think that's a great, I love that image, right? It's like, you're almost like you slow down and allow it to move out the other side. And if you don't want to get stuck and that's when people get resentful and yucky and bitter. Right. But if we allow emotions to move through us, then we can allow other things to move in and out. Right. So thank you. Amazing. Thank you. Thank you. Anything else? Any other questions, thoughts? All right. For those folks that want to continue to practice this process, I have a seven step process that's in your handouts that you can think of it, the juicy situation and start to walk through it. There's examples to help you along the way and help you to think about how you want to move forward with that situation. And then there's a willingness questions here that I shared to help you start to think about where you are below the line and how you can start to shift. All right. Final poll question. Before we move into the action plan, what is the best way to shift from below to above the line? All right, let's do 10 more seconds. Select the right answer. Great. Good. Get curious about personal intention and situation. Ask opening to questions. Be open to learning and being wrong. Now I think that's the key is starting to understand, get curious about our intention. What am I really trying to achieve here? And then, am I able to really learn by asking questions? Asking questions and letting go of being right is so key. So that's what I love about this tool is above the line and below the line. You can do this without even talking about it. It's just like, oh, I'm below the line right now and I'm going to let myself be here. What would it feel like to be above the line with this situation? What would it feel like, right? And what I've noticed in organizations that I've worked with, this becomes a common language. And people start out like they're discussing an issue. Where are you right now? I'm below the line, above the line, I'm below the line. And it's like, okay, that's fine. What would it take for you to shift above the line? Well, I can't get there. This is wrong. Okay, tell me more. What's so wrong about it, right? It's not only talking about issues between two people, but also issues that are impacting our patients, our clients, our program, right? We can start to see, oh, I'm dug in right here, and that's okay. But giving people the language to use that is key. So thank you, thank you, thank you. So we're looking at about eight minutes left, and I'm going to pull up the worksheets here because this is where the action plan. So I'm going to spend just three minutes quickly, and if you don't have access to the handouts, this is what it looks like. So you can download this later if you choose. What did you learn? Come up with one to three things. What are you going to do as a result? So what did you learn about yourself as a leader? What are you going to do as a result, and what do you expect the impact to be? Because this is learnings, action, and then reflection of kind of anticipating the impact if you shift your behavior. So, last thing is if I'm curious to see what are you going to do differently? What action are you going to take as a result of what you learn? What is an action you can take? What is one action you can take in the chat box? Or what did you learn if that's... Thank you, Kim. Listen more than contribute in meetings. And Kim, one other thing, this might go onto your listen, but it's asking questions, right? It's like seeking to understand is always helpful. And drawing other people out, right? I think that as a leader, sometimes it's understanding our role and our impact as being a leader. There's that power differential. So how do you help people feel comfortable with sharing? Megan, question self, listen consciously. Learn that I am not, nor do I have to always be right as open-ended questions to try to understand the other person's point of view. Concrete ways that I can change my relationships when I need to. Thinking of one specifically, right? Ask myself if I'm really being honest versus just protecting my ego. Wow, thank you. So what I hope you all are walking away with is it's a tool that you can say, hey, this is a couple of things. One, these are what's important to me. These are my values. And I would encourage you to share those with your team, your colleagues, your family. Like this is what I'm learning as a leader or as a parent or whatever it is. This is what's important to me. And then also starting to just use this tool locating yourself tool of like, where am I located? And if you, are you okay being there, that's fine. But like, how is being below the line helping or hindering what I'm trying to do? All right. So anyway, thank you. And then I see a couple of other... Sarah, thank you. You said, what is the story I'm telling myself? Yes, so powerful. Like what is the story and how is it possibly wrong, right? Because these stories, we have this set of facts and then there's a story that we make from the facts. And 75% of the time, our story is wrong, right? Or at least, and Sarah says, I'm usually wrong. So giving yourself just to play with this and have fun with it. It's a practice and we're going to revert. Like someone said, when it's the hardest, when I need to do, you know, it's hard to use some of these tools and show up how I need or want to show up and when things get tough. So use this as a tool to locate yourself and to then begin to take different actions and ask different questions. So thank you so much. Thank you, Carol. This was great. It was glad that it's being offered in Phoenix as a pre-conference workshop. No, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And final thing, I'm going to share my contact information. If you ever, let me see here. Need to get in touch with me. Here's my, boop, boop, boop, wrong thing. But also I will share this PowerPoint with Sarah and she will send that out here either today or tomorrow, sometime shortly. Thank you. Thank you all. I would love to see your faces, but maybe in Phoenix. All right. Thank you. Thank you. James, we thank you for being with us today with IAFN and on behalf of IAFN, we thank you all for your time and we look forward to engaging with you all in a next activity.

Conscious Leadership

Unconscious to Conscious

James Davis Massey

Human Blueprint

Values

Beliefs

Behaviors

Personal Values

Conscious Leadership Institute

Above and Below the Line

Thoughts

Responsibility